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the REST of the week #92
It’s the rest of the week and in honor of my beloved Mommy (who just celebrated her 82nd birthday) I have an exercise with a little plot twist at the end that I hope will catch you by surprise.
For all the ways my Mom has blessed and loved me, one of her greatest gifts to me has been her intentional and specific prayers on my behalf—prayers that have moved mountains, parted seas, and made a way where there was none.
When I was around 6 years old, a neighborhood boy was killed by an oncoming car while pedaling home from school on his bicycle. I have vague memories of the funeral and can still feel a bit of the heaviness that filled the church like a dense fog.
What I didn’t know, however, was that Mom was wrestling with how to talk to us about the tragedy. Her own mother, a reserved, hardscrabble immigrant’s daughter who died when Mom was just 17, hadn’t engaged in these types of conversations. Mom told me she didn’t even know how to teach us to pray, or even how to pray with us—only for us.
That was the beginning of a journey where Mom would step through the awkwardness of talking about intimate things, creating space for ongoing open-hearted communication.
Mom kept prayer journals and made us promise books, and it always comforted me to hear her tell how God had spoken to her through the ancient words penned by the prophet Isaiah:
“I will fight against the one that fights against you and I will save your children.” (Isaiah 29:25b).
Praying for someone serves many functions and from what I’ve read, science indicates that prayers make a difference—even if the person praying doesn’t believe in prayer. So, let’s engage in a little prayer.
Here’s the exercise:
Write down your child’s or a loved one’s name as a heading on a piece of paper, on an electronic device, or in your mind (although I find this exercise has greater impact if you actually write down the name and look at it).
Imagine that you are a scribe or a record keeper for whatever thoughts or images come to mind. Prepare to just write them down.
Write/jot down/draw whatever comes to mind as you pray for your child—or for someone you love and feel a sense of responsibility for.
Here are a few questions to get you started:
What would you like your child to be, have, do?
What are you afraid of for your child?
What are you thankful for regarding your child?
What are you proud of regarding your child?
If you have any promises you treasure (or rely on) for your child, include those at the bottom of your list.
To get the most out of this exercise, don’t read on until you’ve finished the above.
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Now for the next step of the exercise:
Take that list, cross out your child’s name at the top, and write in your own name.
Read slowly through that list, praying each item for yourself.
If the request, concern, or gratitude doesn’t seem to relate to you, just do it anyway–you might be surprised by the connections that emerge.
For example, if you are praying for a child with addictions, consider possible ways in which you rely on something external to avoid or numb pain. If you are celebrating an accomplishment, remember what God has enabled you to accomplish.
Be aware of any worry or frustration–conflicting emotions are helpful indicators of what is going on inside. This awareness can open us up to God in new and life-giving ways.
An answer to those prayers for ourselves just might be the best answer to prayer for our kids or anyone else. For those of us with young adult or adult kids, this exercise also has the potential to create the space needed for the separation that strengthens our long term bonds of love.
I’ll never forget the feeling of relief that flooded me during a conversation with Mom about the need to pray for a dear one we were concerned about. Mom said:
You know, I’ve realized that people make their own choices and live their own lives and I can only manage my own.”
Her words gave me a sense of relief that took me by surprise. I felt as if a gentle puff of air had blown the weight of the world right off my shoulders, like there was one less thing to worry about.
We want our kids to be OK, happy, healthy, successful. And all of that love and concern can put the burden on them to ensure that we are OK, draining energy that could propel them forward in their own development.
It’s not a new thought, but it’s a challenging one to apply. When Mom made that statement, I felt free. Free as a daughter and free as a mother. Free to focus my managing skills, worries and concerns on the only person I have control over: myself.
Even Mom’s promise speaks to this truth: God fights our enemy and God saves our children.
Over the years, I’ve experienced Mom living and growing in her faith and that has certainly been a big part of the answer to many of her prayers for me.
If I can find peace in my own crazy, wild life journey, what better gift could I give to my children than a mother at peace with God and herself. A mom who knows how to rest and who invites those in her sphere of influence to rest as well.
May your rest be sweet,
Alicia